I am Dina, a teacher and mother of two. I have survived the sad life of being married to a man who's addicted to illegal drugs and the reviving feeling of being loved and accepted again. Ask Me Anything.

Dina Sanchez
May 18, 2017

Pain and heartaches of being married to a man who is addicted to illegal drugs.

reviving moment as another man loves and accepted me for who I am.

Reason you believe this topic would be a great choice for an AMA:
Experiences being a wife to a man who is jailed because of illegal drugs.

Reason you believe you will be a great host to speak on this topic:
The high feeling and social acceptance of being loved and accepted again by a man.

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What advice do you have for someone in a place where they don't think they can leave their own addicted spouse?

May 19, 11:20PM EDT0

What drove your husband to drugs to begin with you think??

May 18, 11:03PM EDT0

How are your kids doing?

May 18, 4:18PM EDT0

That's so unfortunate, but Im glad to know you were able to get by. How's the new man of your life around your kids? 

May 18, 1:28AM EDT1

Hello there, thank you.

He is great! He treats my son (my kid from ex husband) his bestfriend. He doesn't want to act his father because he does not want to replace his dad. Maybe that is the reason why my son accepted him easily.

My youngest son is my child from Adrian-my new love.

May 18, 1:55AM EDT2
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What could you have done knowing then what you know today?

May 17, 6:51PM EDT0

If I have known that my life would be like this, I will still choose this because of my son. Maybe I will save the marriage If I have known it earlier. That I can help him (my ex-husband) to go through a medical assistance regarding his addiction.

May 18, 12:10AM EDT0

Did you marry again?

May 17, 3:36AM EDT1

How I wish to be married again, but that is impossible for now that I do not have money yet to demand an annulment.

May 17, 12:21PM EDT1
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Well thank god its over for you and you've moved on. What are some quotes that keep you positive?

May 16, 4:56PM EDT1

Hello there, thank you. I always keep in mind that, " happiness is not a priviledge it is a choice". 

And once the storm is over, it is not how you managed to survive but what have you become after the storm.

I always think that it is just a struggle that will make me stronger.

Lastly, I am beautiful if he did not see my worth, I know someone out there will appreciate and love me for who I am.

May 17, 2:42AM EDT1
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How much do you think this drug addiction cost your family?

May 16, 4:27PM EDT1

Hello, I have spent P200,000 for his lawyer's fee. I believed that because of his vice made our family suffer. I almost loaned all my salary. 

May 17, 2:23AM EDT1

Your new man in your life, does he know about your previous husband and what you went through?

May 16, 2:44PM EDT0

Yes he knew about it, all the things that have happened to me. According to him it is not my past that he loves but the whole me. At first, I couldn't believe it as well. There are so many women out there single and beautiful. However, he told me that he cannot teach his heart whom he must love.

May 17, 2:27AM EDT0

I'm sure your husband wasn't the same person that you met before his addiction?

May 16, 1:54PM EDT0

Yes you are right. That is the reason why I let our son to keep in touch with him. But because of the pain, misery and sorrow my heart forgot him totally.

May 17, 2:29AM EDT0

What are some good books you recommend that deal with drug addiction?

May 16, 10:39AM EDT0

Actually after what happened to my family because of drugs, I just don't want to read anything that is related to my situation but I heard that the book of Stephen King entitled "The Shining" is a good one to read if you are looking for a book about drug addiction.

May 17, 2:47AM EDT0

How did this addiction start, what were the signs?

May 16, 6:08AM EDT0

According to his mother, they suspected him using drugs at the age of 18 ,however he stops for a while when we met and because of his son.

But I guessed friends are more influential to his life that they wired him back to his old habit. The signs were he does not sleep, he moved like robot, he won't come home for 4 days sometimes a week, and he moved the other room and we are not allowed to enter that room. 

May 16, 3:09PM EDT0

How did you feel the first time you confirmed your ex-husband's addiction?

May 16, 12:35AM EDT0

I felt betrayed he is not just using drugs but he is akso a pusher. The worst thing is that he cheated on me. He got himself a mistress. Imagine how painful it was knowing that behind your back they are already living together for almost a year!

May 16, 3:14PM EDT0
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How did your husband treat you during his addiction time?

May 15, 9:58PM EDT0

I am still fortunate that he did not hurt me physically but I was tortured mentally and emotionally thinking where he could be on the days that he is not coming home. 

And when he got arrested, I assumed all of his responsiblities, paying his debts, supporting our son alone, and earning money for his lawyer's fee.

May 16, 3:20PM EDT0

Do you know anyone who successfully overcame a drug addiction?

May 15, 6:26PM EDT0

None at this moment, they will be rehabilitated but after a month or two they will be back to their old self. 

May 16, 3:26PM EDT0

Did your husband even want to quit his addiction? Did he admit he was an addict?

May 15, 12:24PM EDT0

Never he did admit that he was addicted to that. He still in denial that time that is why when he got arrested, I believed in him that he was just a victim of frame up. So I deliberately got all my means to earn money just to get him out there. Later on I have found out that he is really an addict and a pusher as well.  He even cheated on me, imagine he kept a woman with him. They are both drug dependent.

May 17, 2:33AM EDT0

What's it like being in your shoes, living with this struggle that you have no control over?

May 15, 11:46AM EDT0

Living with that kind of struggle was like hell, full of sorrow and misery. I was judged without proper trial, people assumed that I am equally dependent on drugs like my husband because of simple reason, I am his wife. 

My ex husband was imprisoned for using and pushing drugs so everyone, including my students, knew about it . and in the middle of my class I heard some of them talking about it. Sadly, people called me Drug-Queen.

May 15, 12:05PM EDT0

Has your family been there for you during these hard times?

May 15, 11:38AM EDT0

This something that I am very thankful of, my family's love and support. They never leave my side. At that time my family, especially my son was the only reason why I am breathing and living.

May 15, 11:56AM EDT0

What were the first signs of your husband's drug addiction?

May 15, 10:52AM EDT0

At first I noticed some changes in him like, he is not sleeping which is very unlikely of him. He seems like a robot to me. He has no appetite for food but there are times that he eats like a horse. There are times that he chose to sleep to the other room and locked himself for a number of hours. 

Then it got worse, he won't come home for 4 days, and i am really worried at that time, no text,no phone calls. Until one day, his father told me that he got busted for using and pushing shabu. 

May 15, 12:36PM EDT0

Are you still in touch with your ex husband?

May 15, 10:22AM EDT1

I did not keep in touch with him to give respect to the man who loves and accepted me after he ruined my life. 

After 6 years of imprisonment, he contacted our son and I let them to have time to each other because no matter what happened he is still the father of my son.

May 15, 12:19PM EDT1
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How long did you stay in this destructive relationship with your husband once you found out he was an addict?

May 15, 6:57AM EDT0

I did stay for two years. 1 year of hide and seek. he will come home and then he won't. Another year was spent supporting him when he was busted for using and pushing shabu. I loaned a large amount of money to pay for his lawyer's fee because he told me that the policemen just framed him up. 

But I was a big fool just to find out that he was really a principal suspect. The most painful part was that everytime I visit him, there was this woman whom i regularly see, then one of the inmates told me that, that woman was my husband's live in partner before he got arrested.

May 15, 12:49PM EDT0

Is drug addiction a psychological addiction?

May 15, 6:39AM EDT1

Yes I think drug addiction is a psychological addiction because drugs change the brain in fundamental ways. using drugs will disturb one's normal hierarchy of needs and desires. Because of drugs new priorities connected with it occur to the behavior of the user.

May 17, 4:41AM EDT1

How long did it take you to move on and find a new love? Glad you did!

May 15, 5:02AM EDT0

Because of the sorrow and pain that he had inflicted on me, I moved on easily with the help of my friends and family. They were very attentive to my needs so in return I pulled myself together. After 3 yrs I let myself to love again. 

May 15, 12:58PM EDT0

What made you fall in love with your new love?

May 15, 1:04AM EDT1

I just fell in love with him, love knows no reason. I just felt it within my heart. He accepted my past, he loves my son and really waited for the right time to confess his love for me.

May 15, 1:02PM EDT1
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Do you know if your husband is ok now if he ever quit? Do you care?

May 15, 12:03AM EDT0

Yes I do know that he is okay now. Infact, my son visits him regularly.. In my heart I wish him to live anew not only for the sake of his son but also for him and his future family.

May 15, 1:08PM EDT0

How do you express your love?

May 14, 10:18PM EDT1

I see to it that we always celebrate our monthsarry. I always remember his birthday. I always tell him that I love him and I thank God for giving me a wonderful guy who loves me unconditionally.

May 15, 1:16PM EDT1
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Did your husband admit he had a drug problem?

May 14, 8:31PM EDT0

No he did not admit it but the medical reports stated the truth. He was arrested for using and pushing drugs. 

May 15, 1:20PM EDT0

It must've been really difficult, sorry you went through it. How are you doing now?

May 14, 7:00PM EDT0

Thank you for a wonderful concern. I am good right now. I am happy with my new love and two sons. though there are still problems but because we are one family we can resolve anything. 

May 17, 2:56AM EDT0

Could drug intervention help your husband and saved your marriage??

May 14, 6:38PM EDT0

Maybe if it is detected earlier I could have saved our marriage but he got arrested so I was not given a chance to talk about it. 

Sadly I discovered that he had cheated on me, He and his mistress lived together for almost 1 year.

May 16, 3:36PM EDT0

Was it hard for you to move on?

May 14, 2:53PM EDT0

At first, it was really hard to move on, to forget and to forgive but because of all the efforts and time imparted by my friends and family, I pulled myself together and began living again.

May 15, 1:26PM EDT0

How do you keep loving a person with a drug addiction?

May 14, 2:16PM EDT0

Loving him brought pain in my heart. Agonizingly painful that made my heart forgot all the love I have for him.

May 17, 2:58AM EDT0

Are you happy where you are now in your life?

May 14, 12:14PM EDT0

Yes I am happy with the present condition of my life. I have learned to become stronger for my son. I've learned to forgive, forget and be happy.

May 17, 3:00AM EDT0

What's your favorite love movie?

May 14, 11:42AM EDT1

My favorite love movie is " Me before you".... the movie showed that true love will come in your worst condition not at your best.  

May 17, 3:16AM EDT1

What are your favorite love songs?

May 14, 10:26AM EDT0

My favorite love songs are Two less lonely people by airsupply

Like I'm gonna lose you by Megan Trainor

and secret love by little Mix

May 17, 3:18AM EDT0

How did your husband's drug use affected your children?

May 14, 10:13AM EDT0

Yes, because of that addiction he got arrested and jailed for 6 years. That made our son think he was abandoned by his father.

May 17, 3:20AM EDT0

Are you in love right now?

May 14, 8:48AM EDT1

Yes I am happy being in love right now, though life is still hard and lots of problems but it is good to know that aside from my children, someone is here for me and we are helping each other.

May 14, 11:18AM EDT1

What kind of problems, if you don't mind me asking?

May 18, 3:05AM EDT0

How old are your children and how are they accepting this new man in your life?

May 14, 7:26AM EDT0

My ex-husband and I had a son. He was 11 yrs old when I had another man in my life. My son is aware that his father and I already went separate ways. Adrian (my boyfriend) and my son became friends. Adrian never attempted to be a father to him because he already had one so he became his friend.

May 17, 4:10AM EDT0

How did you meet your new love?

May 14, 3:23AM EDT1

He was my student when he was in high school. Back then I know he likes me but he is already in college when we had a relationship.

May 17, 4:13AM EDT0

Why did you keep staying in this relationship?

May 14, 3:08AM EDT1

At first, I am taking all the pain, but my heart got so tired and choose to be happy.

May 17, 4:15AM EDT1

Rule #1: Always choose to be happy

Rule #2: Don't lose sight of rule #1

May 18, 3:06AM EDT0

What advice would you have for a woman dating a drug addict?

May 14, 1:59AM EDT1

For me, I will advice you to stop dating him., because once an addict will always be an addict. Substances like shabu will affect the brain of the user. It will change the fundamentals of the brain. it disturbs a person's normal hierarchy of needs and desires and substituting new priorities connected with using drugs. 

May 17, 4:38AM EDT2